Why I took a risk and joined a therapy group

In May of this year, I published this in my newsletter. I want it to live on for others to read and learn more about group therapy so I’m sharing it here. (If you’d like to join my mailing list to receive future newsletters, please sign up here).

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Last October I enrolled in a group therapy training program. If you’ve been following along for any length of time you know I’m passionate about running groups. If you're new here— welcome!

Enrolling in this program seemed like a natural step to deepen my work. What I didn’t realize was just how much I would learn about myself. In addition to the monthly Saturday classes, students are required to participate in a weekly interpersonal process group. I was aware that one's role in the group often mimics interactions in the outside world. But I had no idea how that would FEEL.

To see myself more clearly has been liberating. From my interactions with colleagues, to the group of parents I’ve met through my child’s softball team, to my family of origin— I'm the same person, doing the things I do that keep me feeling safe and that simultaneously hold me back from being the person I'd like to be. 

The group provides an experimental place to try out new things and take risks in being the person I'd like to be in the outside world. With practice, the hope is that I will start making changes in all my real-world groups.

Participating in a group is a risk. We don't know how we will change, and if the group will deliver what we are seeking. It takes vulnerability and courage to show up, commit, and make changes where old patterns are no longer serving us. By the end of the group, most people feel more comfortable in their own skin.

I don't usually disclose so much about myself, but I’m sharing my experience because soon I will be offering process groups in my practice to provide a similar opportunity for others. Message me here with any questions you have about process groups. What would it be like to lean into being a better version of yourself? 

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As of August 2024, I’m opening enrollment for a women’s group I’m starting this fall. This group is open to everyone and anyone who identifies as a woman. Would you like to learn more about yourself, challenge old patterns, improve relationships at work, home, with peers? This group is for people who are interested in learning about their own reactions and interpersonal interactions. The focus is on what comes up within and between the members in the room. You can learn more about the group here.

Becoming More Mindful: Where to Start?

Photo by Tanushree Khanna on Unsplash

We live in a fast-paced society where it feels like there's rarely (dare I say never) enough time. I know I'm not alone in this feeling; I hear about it daily from friends and family, and of course the clients I counsel in my practice. The overwhelm is folded into the lives of my clients who are struggling to conceive, those grieving, the women who are adjusting to the reality of motherhood, the men who feel a ridiculous amount of pressure to provide and succeed financially. Sometimes the greatest stressors come from within, our attempts to be the best partner/parent/daughter/brother/insert role.

Mindfulness has been a buzz word for the past decade or so and shows no sign of leaving center stage of the $3.7 trillion global wellness market (Reference). And there's good reason-- midnfulness is touted as the antidote for aging, perfectionism, anxiety, depression. The list goes on. But for those unfamiliar with mindfulness, learning what it is and what it isn't, and figuring out how to bring it into your life can cause more of those feelings of overwhelm we're trying to conquer. After all, won't adding something else to your to do list make you even busier?

That feeling of being busy and rushing all the time, there's a choice in that. At least that's what the gurus of mindfulness tell us. With a mindful approach, we get to decide how we interact with the world around us. Mindfulness helps us to slow down and  to pay attention to our thoughts, behaviors and reactions. Mindfulness allows us to respond rather than react.

How to Be More Mindful

So how do we bring mindfulness into our daily lives? Like all things we strive towards, we must develop a mindfulness practice to reap the rewards. We must schedule a time, then stop what we're doing, and sit. Starting with a guided meditation can often be a helpful place to begin for those who have no prior experience with mindfulness. Below is a short 5-minute guided mindfulness exercise. It's one that I introduce to clients in my practice and in my infertility support groups: 5 Senses Mindfulness Exercise. I didn't write it myself, but it's my recording.

I like this exercise because it allows us to recognize the many ways we can be mindful in our own bodies each and every day. By attuning to the senses we can invite ourselves to stay in the present moment when we're eating, resting, gazing, walking, listening-- grounding ourselves wherever we may be, whenever we need it. 
 

The Wandering Mind

Photo by ANDRIK ↟ LANGFIELD ↟ PETRIDES on Unsplash

I like to remind my clients that there's no right and wrong with mindfulness; it's simply about cultivating awareness. Many people incorrectly believe they're "doing it wrong" because their mind wanders. This is normal as our minds are made to think. The practice of mindfulness is to simply guide your attention back to whatever it is you are doing-- breathing, pushing a grocery cart, taking a shower. Yes, each of these activities can be done mindfully. But let's start with sitting.

So find yourself a quiet place to begin. Push the button below when you're ready. You will need to download the link in order to play it on iTunes. I hope this experience allows you to slow down, if even for just 5 minutes

Whether you're a busy parent or longing to be one, mindfulness is an invaluable tool to help cope with the stressors of daily living. If you’re looking for a therapist in the San Diego area, I’m happy to help. Feel free to reach out by phone or email and we can talk about ways you might benefit from counseling. 

Bonding With Your Littlest Valentines: Staying Connected Through Infertility

Secondary infertility doesn't get a lot of press these days despite the fact that as many as 3 million couples are experiencing it at any given moment. Coping with your own emotions, managing doctor appointments and healing from physical loss(es) is consuming, and we haven't even discussed the laundry, the dishes, the food shopping and the cooking! With so much on your plate already, maintaining your relationship with your toddler or preschooler can be an added challenge when infertility enters your world. You might feel your motivation, energy and/or ability to maintain a strong connection with your living child(ren) slipping under such distress. 

When you're feeling badly physically or emotionally, you may not know HOW to strengthen your relationship with your toddler or preschooler. 

Connecting with your little one

Here are 3 easy steps to bond with your littles while navigating secondary infertility:

1- Schedule it. Plan a time of the day that you have five minutes to spend 1:1 with your child. Pick a time when both you and she are at your best, typically (avoid the notoriously challenging times like before nap or bed). Make sure you can completely dedicate yourself to your child for the entire 5 minutes. 

2- Set yourselves up for success. Give your child a choice of 1 or 2 (depending on their age) open ended toys to pick. What's an open ended toy? One that has no rules to play by. No winner. Think coloring, blocks, Legos, animals, cars, dolls...

3- Play. Be intentional. Let them know you're present. How?

• Describe what he's doing in his play. Say something like, "you're putting the green Lego on top of the yellow one," or "you're building a tower."
• Copy her play. Say,"I'm stacking the green lego on top of the yellow one too, just like you, or just do what she's doing. Copying is the greatest form of flattery, no? 
• Praise him. Find something you like about the way he's playing (ignoring what you don't like as long as it's not dangerous). Say, "I like how gently you're playing with the Legos," or thank him for sharing the Legos with you. 

These three steps are a good place to start if you're having difficulty maintaining your connection with your little one during this difficult time. In five short minutes you can let them know that you are really paying attention.

If you are struggling emotionally with secondary infertility, I encourage you to reach out for support. You are not alone!  If you are in San Diego, I can help. I maintain a private practice in Bankers Hill where I specialize in helping families struggling with secondary infertility, parenting and other areas of maternal mental health. Please call me for a free phone consultation to explore how I can support you and your family.