6-Week Mind-Body Infertility Support Group Starting

If you've been following along for any length of time, you know that I'm passionate about helping women who are experiencing infertility. I understand how lonely, scary and isolating this path can be.

In addition to the individual infertility counseling I provide to women in my private practice here in San Diego, I facilitate support groups. These groups introduce new coping strategies and offer women a place to share, connect and gain support from other women who are going through the same thing. 

This may not be you, but it's someone you know- your sister, your cousin, your friend. I know because of just how common infertility is that we're talking about someone you know, perhaps someone you care for deeply. Please consider sharing this with her.  

Does this sound like you, or someone you care about?

• "I'm so overwhelmed with the process of trying to have a baby; I never thought it would be this hard".

• "I feel so alone in this process; no one I know has struggled to have a baby"! 

• "I'm not really sure what to do anymore. The anticipation and the waiting/trying to conceive are stressing me out so much".

• "I'm dreading this visit home and having to hear one more person ask me when we're going to have a baby". 

• "I feel so guilty for how I feel when I see pregnant women, or baby announcements; is this normal?"

Maybe you/they haven't actually said these words, but the feelings are there. If it's someone you care about, perhaps you've noticed their withdrawal, their worry and you're concerned about them.

Gaining support from others and developing new coping skills can help: 

• Reduce anxiety, stress and/or overwhelm 

• Lessen feelings of isolation, loneliness or depression

• Improve communication and relationships with important people in your life

My next Infertility Support Group starts on October 9th and is designed for women who are experiencing primary or secondary infertility. Throughout the group we'll explore issues related to infertility, including the impact on identity, self-esteem, sexuality and relationships. Participants have the opportunity to learn and practice relaxation and other mind-body coping skills each week. While we can't change the stressors you experience each day, you can learn to manage your response to allow you to live more comfortably and engage with life more fully. 

You can learn more about the group and schedule an intake through this link. If you have any questions, you can email me or sign up for a free consultation.

You also might find this blog post helpful when considering the benefits of a support group. 

Setting New Year's Resolutions: Seeing Past Your Infertility

New Year's day has come and gone and if you haven't set a resolution for 2016 yet you're likely reminded through various forms of media multiple times a day. When you're struggling with infertility, "having a baby" feels like an obvious goal that's constantly on your mind. However, I encourage my clients to choose a resolution that they can be 100% responsible for. Infertility, as we know, is very often outside our control. So when you're consumed with thoughts about your next treatment, phone call with xyz adoption agency, finding your surrogate, or the miscarriage you're still mourning, it's important to find a way to harness your energy to navigate this stressful, anxiety producing time of life.

Setting a goal for an entire year can certainly be intimidating. As a therapist, I've spent a lot of time helping clients develop and modify goals, resolutions and aspirations. Using the SMART acronym helps me help my clients get set up for success; every goal needs to be specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-bound. I also coach my clients towards choosing resolutions that promote their overall well-being, and specifically their mental health. 

Some of the most popular resolutions I've heard that support the big picture of having a baby this year include: yoga, meditation, walking, running, reading, healthy eating, connecting... What do these have in common? They will improve your well-being regardless of when or if you bring a baby home in 2016. 

Choosing a resolution

Take a moment and think to yourself: What do I need more of in my life? Really, I encourage you to stop reading for a moment (after you read these next three sentences), close your eyes and take a deep breath. Maybe two. Then, ask yourself: What do I need more of in my life this year? If you're coming up blank, here are a few questions to spark ideas: Could I benefit from a stronger mind-body connection through yoga, or running? Should I scale back on exercise and focus on building a meditation practice, walking, or being in nature? Nothing yet? How about your connections with others? Ask yourself if you need to take time this year to reconnect with those you love, or deepen your connection with yourself? Maybe you've been holding in too much for too long and really need to seek the support of a trained therapist this year. Dealing with infertility is intense. It can creep up on you just how stressful it is to juggle this unexpected life turn along with your day to day life. 

Setting your resolution in motion

So now that you've chosen your resolution for 2016, it's time to dig in. Lets make sure it's a SMART goal. I'm going to share one of my resolutions for 2016 as an example. But before I share my goal, please take out a piece of paper and pen or open up some app on your phone and work along with me. Here we go- My resolution is to camp more. Being in nature, unplugging from all there is to unplug from and taking a break from the day to day grind while breathing in fresh air and sleeping closer to the stars always makes me a happier person. It gives me the chance to connect more fully with myself and my fellow campers... It's food for my soul. 

While I'm instantly at ease envisioning this goal coming to life, it's hardly a SMART goal as is, so lets see how using the SMART format helps me flesh it out--

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Specific
My goal of camping "more" is not very specific. What's "more" for me might be less for some avid campers, right? According to the SMART Goals Guide, make sure your goal includes the "who", "what", "where" and "when". So, I'm (who) going to camp (what) 5 times in 2016 (when) in California (where). Specific- check. 

Measurable
How will you know you've achieved your goal? Can you see, hear, feel or taste it? Camping 5 times in CA-  Measurable, yes! At the end of 2016 I'll be able to look back and see whether I've reached my goal.  
 

Attainable
This is a key step in setting a SMART resolution. It's important to reflect on your own capabilities and skills when creating a goal that's attainable. Only you know what's going on in your life, what's a comfortable stretch and what's not. If you hate bugs and must have a flushing toilet, your goal would look different than mine. As an experienced camper, I feel my goal is very doable. 

Realistic
While your resolution should urge you to stretch and grow, maybe even learn a new skill, it should also be something you are capable of doing. Is the goal you're working on SMAR so far? I feel my goal is in fact realistic. But I have a confession to make: I originally wrote my goal as camping 10 times this year. But as I thought about it, I realized that last year I only camped once!!. ONCE. So I'm glad I went through this process and reassessed what is realistic for ME this year. Five will likely be a stretch after a mere one time last year, but there were other years I camped more, so it's a comfortable stretch and goal for ME. I'm stressing the ME here because setting a New Year's resolution is personal and only applies to one person- YOU. So make sure it's realistic so you can set yourself up for success in 2016.

Time-bound
Having a deadline for completing your goal is crucial. Since we're discussing New Year's resolutions, our deadline is built in. As we close out 2016 we'll check our progress and celebrate our success!

How's this going for you? Do you have your SMART resolution now? If you're wondering what you can do next to get moving on your New Year's resolution,  I want to invite you to 1, share your resolution for 2016 in the comments below, and 2, share this blog post along with your SMART goal with one other person. Think of that someone who you feel comfortable sharing with -- a good friend, your partner, your therapist-- and put it out there. Being accountable to someone other than yourself can be extremely helpful in reaching your goals. You can do it! 

If you're struggling with infertility, pregnancy or infant loss, or a perinatal mood or anxiety disorder, and think you could benefit from additional support in setting or accomplishing your New Year's resolution, feel free to get in touch by phone or email.