Spread the Word: Ask that New Mom About Her Mental Health #AskHer

May is Maternal Mental Health Awareness Month worldwide, and today kicks off the May Campaign (May 2 - 6, 2016).  The goal of the May Campaign is to increase knowledge about and awareness of the serious and devastating emotional complications that many women experience during pregnancy and after the birth of a child. 

When a woman is pregnant people are so eager to chat, engage and support her.  Doors are held open by strangers. Family and friends gather to shower the expectant mother and her baby to be. Couples take babymoons to celebrate their time together as a couple and the new beginning that lies ahead. However, once baby is born, it’s not uncommon for mothers to be left behind while their new baby becomes the focus of attention— theirs and everyone else’s. 

This year the May Campaign is focusing on the importance of shifting the conversation from baby back to mom and encouraging you/me/us to #AskHer about her mental health. Ask the mothers you love and care for about: How are you sleeping? How are you eating? How are you feeling?
 

Why should you #AskHer?

You might be wondering why it's so important to ask her. One in seven women experience postpartum depression. There are many risks to both mom and baby if postpartum depression or anxiety goes untreated, including: a lower quality of life for mom, a decreased ability to function at home and at work, recurrent depression and suicide. Yes, suicide!

An infant with a mother whose depression goes untreated is at risk for an insecure attachment with their mother and delays in cognitive development. These are significant risks to both mom and baby. 

But it doesn’t stop there. According to research, half of all men whose partners have postpartum depression are depressed themselves. Additional risks include a decrease in care of other children in the home and an increase in overall stress and discord within the family unit.
 

How to help a postpartum mom you’re worried about: 

If you’re not sure if what she’s experiencing is part of the normal postpartum adjustment to motherhood or something more serious, this article can help you learn about 3 Differences Between Postpartum Depression and the Baby Blues. If you’re worried about her, below are three things you can do to provide support.

1. Speak Up! Share your concern for her. Most struggling moms are relieved to hear there’s actually something wrong. Feeling so overwhelmed, it’s difficult to imagine how they’ll manage if what they’re experiencing is truly normal. This article here talks more about why it’s important for YOU to say something.
2. Call her local chapter of Postpartum Support International. You can get her connected with the warmline, which can provide her with referrals to trained therapists and local support groups. There are even online groups if needed. If you can call with her, that’s even better. 
3. Be there for her. Listen to her. Hold her baby so she can shower, or rest. Make her food. Clean her house. Walk her dog. Fold her laundry. Listen. 

At the end of the day, please don't forget to #AskHer. Ask the mothers you love and care for about their mental health: How are you sleeping? How are you eating? How are you feeling? If you suspect that you or someone you love is struggling with a perinatal mood or anxiety disorder, reach out for help. Rachel Rabinor, LCSW is a psychotherapist in private practice. She sees women struggling with their transition to and through motherhood in her private practice in San Diego. She also offers in-home counseling to help ease this transition See above for other San Diego and national resources. 

3 Reasons to Try Walk and Talk Therapy

I just hung up the phone with a colleague who wanted to pick my brain about providing Walk and Talk Therapy. Our call got me thinking about all the incredible benefits of this, seemingly to some, out-of-the box therapy, and why more people should consider trying it.

Walk and Talk Therapy is just that—walking while talking with a trained therapist. It’s exercise but not cardio. Collaborative and professional. Walk and Talk is a useful type of treatment for many people. Anyone suffering from anxiety or depression, coping with grief or loss, or those feeling stagnant in life may find it beneficial. This article talks about the benefits for new moms and also talks more about what Walk and Talk is, and what it isn’t (How walk and Talk Will Change Your Life, Mama).

Here are three MORE reasons to consider Walk and Talk Therapy:

1. Walk and Talk Therapy allows you to take small steps towards your goals. It’s a great metaphor. With each step, you’re moving forward in life, leaving your problems behind figuratively and literally. You’re no longer thinking about starting therapy, you’re engaging in it actively. You’re no longer thinking about exercise, you’re moving. Small steps change lives.

2. You’ll feel Better—Both therapy and exercise are linked to improved mood and a decrease in symptoms of depression and anxiety. Physical exercise releases endorphins, which naturally spark positive feelings that help to reduce levels of depression and anxiety and prevent depressive symptoms. Being in nature is not only restorative but can improve your positive outlook on life and your ability to cope and recover from stress and illness.  Walk and Talk Therapy leaves many people with improved self-esteem and sleep, and a greater overall sense of well-being.
    
3. Hello multi-tasking! Life is busy, and carving out time for exercise, fresh air and your mental health can be daunting. Combining movement and therapy in nature is a convenient way to make progress in multiple areas of life that need tending. We've all heard sitting referred to as the new smoking. It’s not enough to just think about our need for more exercise, we need tools and plans that allow us to implement exercise in ways that don’t add greater stress to our lives.

 If you’ve been thinking about starting or resuming counseling, could Walk and Talk would be a good fit for you? What do you think? Please chime in below in the comments section!

If you’d like to learn more about Walk and Talk therapy and live in San Diego, schedule your free 30 minute in-person consultation to find out if I might be the right fit for you!

You Think Someone You Love Has PPD? Why YOU Need to Speak Up!

Last week I got together with a new friend, Shelly, for a walk. When she learned more about the work I do with new and expecting mothers, the worry poured out of her. Shelly’s sister-in-law (SIL) had a baby 8 months ago, and she’s concerned about her. She's tired, irritable, incredibly anxious and doubting herself all the time (Yes, these are also symptoms of PPD--scroll to the bottom of this page for other symptoms you may not know about). Specializing in Maternal Mental Health, it’s par for the course to hear about sisters, friends, daughters and co-workers who are struggling with Postpartum Depression.

One in seven women deal with Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders (PMADs), so really, it’s no surprise to hear about it so often. The thing that routinely does surprise me, however, is the hesitation many people share about approaching those they love with their concerns. This was Shelly to a T.  She felt close to her SIL, but was apprehensive about recommending that she seek out some support.
 

Hesitant to offer support?

The more we talked the more I understood what was getting in Shelly’s way of reaching out.  Shelly's the mom of a toddler and seems to have it together-- or together enough. She has a stable partner, family close by, a new business she’s passionate about; she’s confident and happy in her life. Her SIL, on the other hand, lives far from family and is further isolated by her husband’s current deployment with the Navy. She has a history of depression and other risk factors associated with PMADs.

By the end of our walk, I had a pretty clear grasp on Shelly’s hesitation to reach out to her SIL. She didn’t want her to feel judged, or less-than, by addressing concerns about her ability to cope with the adjustment to motherhood: A transition that has come fairly easily for Shelly. Shelly was also concerned about providing the right kind of support. With a history of depression, it was routine for family to jump in to “help” her SIL, and make everyday tasks easier. Her depression would subside for a bit and then the pattern would repeat. While a supportive family can be ideal in helping someone through their recovery, professional treatment may still be needed to address issues that may be contributing to the depression on a deeper level. Shelly wanted to help but she wasn’t sure how to do so effectively.
 

Why it’s important for YOU to speak up

If you don’t speak up, the person you love might not get the help they need! Many women suffer in silence. Too many.  More than 20 percent of moms are diagnosed with PPD. However, a recent study by BabyCenter shows that 40 percent don't seek the medical help they need due to feelings of embarrassment, guilt and the expectation that they can get over it without professional help. There are many risks to mom and baby if postpartum depression or anxiety goes untreated.

RISKS OF NOT GETTING HELP WITH PPD

• Risks to mom

  • Lower quality of life
  • Decreased ability to function at home or at work
  • Risk of recurrent depression
  • Suicide

• Risks to baby

  • Insecure attachment to mother
  • Interference in cognitive development

• Family stress and discord

• Decreased care or neglect of other children

• Loss of job/income

Also quite common is that women don’t even realize that what they’re experiencing isn’t normal! Just today I saw a third-time mom who started to recognize in my office that she had probably struggled with postpartum depression with her first two children without knowing. Sounds unbelievable but it’s true. The messages that women hear about motherhood reinforce that it’s natural, easy. That yes, you may be tired, but that’s normal. There’s a lot of grey area and it’s not always crystal clear whether what you’re experiencing is a normal adjustment to motherhood or something more serious.  So if you notice something doesn’t seem right in someone you care about—Say something!
 

What to say to someone with Postpartum Depression

Shelly is a great example of someone who really wants to support someone they love, can identify their struggle, and for various reasons isn’t sure how to help. The reality is, it may not be the easiest conversation to have. But I find that women who are struggling are usually relieved to learn that there’s help available and that they don’t need to suffer in silence. Here’s a few suggestions of how to start the conversation:

1.    Be direct

It’s important to be empathic, but it’s most important to be direct. Let her know that you’re worried about her; she doesn’t seem like herself. Let her know it’s normal, lots of women (1 in 7!) deal with PPD. It’s not uncommon for many women to go undiagnosed. Don’t let her slip through the cracks!

2.    Be genuine

Speak from your heart. Let your love and care shine through. If she’s struggling to care for herself or her baby, this is serious. Remember, she’s not choosing to be neglectful, she’s struggling. You know she wants the best for her baby, for her family. Help her get the professional support she needs.
 

3.    Be available

Make time for her. Once you connect her with people and resources she needs to improve her mental well-being, she will still need lots of support from people in her life who love her. She is vulnerable. Bring her food, go for a walk, watch her baby so she can take a shower. Keep her company.

If you or someone you know is struggling with a Perinatal Mood or Anxiety Disorder, please reach out for support. PMADs are very treatable. Postpartum Support International (PSI) is a national organization that maintains a warmline and also list of trained providers specializing in Maternal Mental Health.  If you’re in San Diego, CA, The Postpartum Health Alliance is our local chapter of PSI and a wonderful resource.

How Walk + Talk Therapy Will Change Your Life, Mama

I know what it’s like to have a new baby around the house. The dirty dishes piled high, the never-ending laundry, did you eat today? Just forget about exercise, you don’t even have time for a shower, right? You’re wondering if and when life will ever resemble those incredible Instagram photos you posted from your babymoon.

This is a typical scenario for a family going through the transition to parenthood, yes? Of course there are precious moments, but it’s intense. That first year of life is nothing short of a hurricane sweeping through your world. When you factor in the inevitable additional emotional stress parenthood brings, life is more challenging. You may know you want professional help in the form of counseling, but you just can’t figure out how to fit it all in.
 

ENTER WALK AND TALK THERAPY

A recent conversation with a friend reminded me that although I offer Walk and Talk Therapy sessions in my San Diego-based private practice, where I specialize in maternal mental health, many people are unaware of it’s existence.

In my work as a licensed psychotherapist, over the past 15 years I’ve found that Walk and Talk Therapy is helpful for clients who are going through life transitions, have anxiety, are experiencing some kind of loss or grief among other challenges. Mothers of young children in particular, seem to really gravitate towards this modality; it’s so easy to bring your baby and stroller and go. Walk and Talk Therapy combines traditional talk therapy with physical exercise. Want to know more? 

So here's the skinny on what Walk + Talk is and what it isn't

Walk and Talk Therapy is:

• a great option If you don't enjoy all the eye contact inherent in traditional office-based psychotherapy sessions.
• helpful if you're suffering from phobias, excessive anxiety, or are newly postpartum and not sure how to fit exercise of any kind back in your life.
• an opportunity to breathe fresh air and connect with nature (and another adult who happens to be trained to support your mental health)

Walk and talk is not: 

• a cardio workout.
• strenuous.
• the same thing as chatting with a friend while walking.

Sounds pretty good so far, yes? Walking side by side with a trained psychotherapist feels collaborative and encourages conversations. Clients often feel more at ease sharing personal information in this informal, outdoor environment than traditional office-based therapy. Some clients also find it less intimidating to talk to a therapist when you’re both doing something else. And be assured, your confidentiality will be maintained, just as if you were in an office.  

Here’s how Walk + Talk therapy will change your life, mama

1.    You will feel better
Participating in regular Walk and Talk Therapy sessions with a trained therapist has been shown to reduce anxiety and tension, improve mood and increase energy. Physical exercise releases endorphins (feel-good hormones), which naturally trigger positive feelings helping to reduce levels of depression and anxiety, and can actually help prevent depressive symptoms. Many people report improved self-esteem and feelings of well-being, improved sleep (clearly that research wasn’t conducted on parents of young children), and an enhanced mind-body connection

2.    You get to move your meat (aka exercise) AND take care of your mental health
It’s hard to fit in exercise as a new mom, or even an experienced one. Sure you could get a fancy jogging stroller but just the logistics of it all seem overwhelming. So here’s an opportunity to start small while also improving your mental health. Although Walk and Talk Therapy isn’t a workout, it is exercise and it can help you start to carve out time for what’s important.

3.    You don’t need childcare
Enough said.

4.    You will feel better
I already said this one but it’s worth repeating. As a new mother, it’s not uncommon to put everyone else first. After all, you have a new being that’s relying on you. But like they say on an airplane- you need to put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others. Self-care is important. If you don’t take care of you, not only will you suffer, but those you love will too.

If you’re struggling with your adjustment to motherhood, please reach out for support. Contact your doctor, Postpartum Support International, or a mental health professional. If you have more questions about Walk + Talk Therapy, or think it may be a good fit for you, check out these Frequently Asked Questions. And if you're in San Diego, give me a call!